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PROLOGUE




It all began with love.

After the dawn of time, alicorns and mortal ponies lived separate from one another.  In the old age, the ponies of the earth below us started out as a very segregated race:  greedy, unjust, hateful.  The world as we knew it had turned evil and no longer reflected the land it was created to be.  Sin was rampant everywhere and love was but a memory rarely spoken of.  We alicorns, the immortal and wise race, were disgusted with what the world had become and made our domain in the heavens far above the sky.  Granted, our race was not perfect either, but the land below us was shrouded in darkness and hate and we could not coexist with those beings.

The land grew colder, and snowier.  The winter season one year did not stop.  Spring did not come; instead, it continued to snow and freeze all around the ponies' domain.  It was the windigoes, demon equine spirits that feed off of hatred until they become powerful enough to send a storm that would cover the land in eternal winter.  The three tribes, earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, were doomed to die in the cold for their actions.  But all was not lost, for a young unicorn wizard in training, Clover the Clever, had discovered the power that can break the curse the windigoes had put upon the ponies.  Clover knew the importance of harmony and his magic unleashed a spell empowered by love which drove the windigoes away before all ponies were frozen to death.  Once the ice had melted, the ponies had finally realized that all these years were wasted hating one another.  From then on, hatred was no longer a part of the pony way.  Love was restored and the ponies had finally united in harmony.  That is where it all began: with love.

We alicorns looked down on the earth with joy seeing what had happened and saw that it was good.  Eventually, we made our decision to descend to the earth below us and live among the mortal ponies.  Their love had shown us that they had changed, and with them, the land.  We protected the ponies and assisted them with taking care of the land.  The seasons came and the winter seasons were no longer unhappy for the ponies had created the Hearth's Warming holiday to celebrate at that time of the year in honor of the founding of their new country:  Equestria.

The land of Equestria grew to be the most beautiful country in the world and blossomed with fertility and happiness.  In time, a well-organized regime was formed and the ponies decided to elect an alicorn to be their leader due to their wisdom and longevity.  I, Solmidas, was the first of the Alicornian kings to be elected.  Throughout the years, I grew and matured and lead my people into a brighter future.  I was active in the parliament and used my powers to control the sun while the unicorn citizens would use their powers to control the moon and help build a magnificent kingdom.  We formed our first palace on a grand hill with our capital city in front and named it Everfree.  It was not long after I was elected that I met my wife, Chernalia, whom, after marrying, became the queen of Equestria and used her powers to control the moon at night giving the unicorns more freedom to work.

For thousands of years, Chernalia and I maintained Equestria with complete balance and the alicorns of the parliament helped us, namely, my old friend, Accord, who believed strongly in harmony and balance.  While Accord would make addresses to our people for encouragement, we continued to serve our positions as the king and queen.  Accord would have made a fine leader one day, but he insisted that our offspring carry on the burden.

During what most call the Golden Age of Equestria, a time in which the economy was perfectly stable and no battles or wars were present or even foreseen, my wife and I bore our first child: Princess Celestia.  A few years later, Celestia gained a sister: Luna.  Our daughters were dear to us and we taught them much including how to use their powers to raise the sun and moon.  Whenever we were busy with our duties, another teacher would aid them:  Starswirl the Bearded, who was also the master of Clover the Clever and knew the magic of longevity.  In time, Celestia earned her cutie mark after she had discovered her power of raising the sun.  Luna still had yet to earn hers at the time this tale begins.

One day Celestia and Luna would lead this country, for my time and Chernalia's had come to a close.  We have lived to see our country grow as beautiful as we had wished and the time had come to pass the crown on.  Our daughters would then soon see both the blessings and the curses of leading Equestria.  A great test lied before them, something that none could see coming, not even I.  Not only would they lead our country, but they would discover the one true power which would continue to save Equestria from the evil to come.  

Welcome to our world.  Welcome to the age of the alicorns...
Here is the story on FIMfic: [link]
Chapter select: [link]

This is the prologue of the first chapter of my upcoming fanfiction project, Age of the Alicorns: Chaos Rising which tells the story of how Discord became the monster he is today and how Celestia and Luna overcame him and saved Equestria from his eternal chaos. The prologue is narrated by Kind Solmidas, the father of Celestia and Luna and former king of Equestria. The rest will be narrated by me in 3rd person.

This excerpt gives a short summary of what happens before the actual story starts and if you've seen "Hearth's Warming Eve" you may already be familiar with a lot of this. Much like the beginning of a film, this introduces it right before the title sequence ensues. After this prologue the first chapter will be up and unlike my previous fics, I will be naming the chapters so I will have to abbreviate the title to "AotA: Chaos Rising" or something in order to accommodate space.

While reading this, I suggest listening to this music: [link] It makes it feel like you're watching an epic movie and it goes along with it perfectly. Gosh I wish I knew how to compose music so I could make an entire soundtrack for this story!

So anyways, hope you guys enjoy it and that this gets you excited for the rest! And that critique is there for anyone who wants to critique me on my writing and please do if you have anything to say, I'd like to make my writing better for the final product.

MLP © Hasbro
FiM © Lauren Faust
Age of the Alicorns: Chaos Rising *AleximusPrime

EDIT: Wow, I'm surprised none of you guys are commenting on what I did with the Everfree Forest...

EDIT 2: Thanks to :iconnitrateexhaust: for pointing out some grammatical errors I corrected.
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:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oooo! Sounds and looks cool!!! =D Since I dunno how long ago this was...are there any moar? X3 It's very well written, and I like it a lot so far! :D
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh shoot, I forgot to say that in the description! Well, here it is on FIMfic. [link] I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now but I'll get back to it once school is done so stay tuned.
Reply
:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
lol, that's ok! I keep forgetting to link my new chapters in the others of stories I do sometimes too! XD And yay! Thanks! ^W^ Aw, yeah, i understand! And I will! :la:
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:iconnookslider:
Nookslider Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
It's pretty great so far.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's gonna get a lot better and more epic as time goes on. :D
Reply
:iconnookslider:
Nookslider Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
All right cool. I'll keep reading. :D
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, Chapter 3 is on a bit of a hold because I'm waiting for results for a written song for the chapter because I couldn't think of one myself
Reply
:iconnookslider:
Nookslider Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I saw that on your poll. It's okay, I can wait. :)
Reply
:iconwesdaaman:
Wesdaaman Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Student General Artist
Some grammatical fixings eh?

By the way, last time I forgot to point out that I like your take on the Everfree Forest. What can I say? I've got Everfree Forest heart!
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:iconjussonic:
JusSonic Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012
Nice start, can't wait for the next chapter.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm working on it! :D
Reply
:icondestinydecade:
DestinyDecade Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
After reading this again, I'm beginning to notice that it reminds me of Skyward Sword from the Legend of Zelda where the world below is unknown to the people who live in Skyloft. Very clever Alex.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh? I didn't intend for that exactly...... It's been so long since I last played Skyward Sword and I haven't actually tried beating it yet either, I'm such a horrible gamer... :no:
Reply
:icondestinydecade:
DestinyDecade Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You should at least. Truth is, I haven't beaten it either.
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I would have beaten it in about a month but I got lazy and just lost interest in it and here I've had it since last Christmas!
Reply
:iconkamenriderpantsu:
KamenRiderPantsu Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
I've beaten it twice.
First was normal, then the Hero Mode you get after.
If you ever feel like finishing the game and want some tips, just buzz me.

Can't wait for more of this story. I'm liking this idea.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh I never need tips, I always beat Zelda games.
Reply
:icondestinydecade:
DestinyDecade Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So did I.
Reply
:iconnitrateexhaust:
NitrateExhaust Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I immediately recognize the references you're making to biblical Creation and the portmanteau of "Sol" and "Midas" for the narrator of this prologue, for which I must give you loads of bonus points. (I'm not so sure on the name of Solmidas's wife; my wild guess would be a mix of "cherish" and "saturnalia," but I'm probably way off.)

In any case, the concept of this fanfiction appears sound. I'm a little bit of a sucker for this kind of stuff, where history is expanded and given a different viewpoint, so it's nice to see another one out there that presents itself so well. Because of this, though, the little OCD demon inside of me is begging for me to correct a few of the errors in this prologue, if only because I think an idea this full of potential should have top-notch execution going for it as well.

"Spring did not come, instead it continued to snow and freeze all around the ponies' domain." Either a semicolon where the comma is with an additional comma after "instead," or split it into two different sentences.

"...until they become powerful enough to send a storm that would cover the land in eternal witer." "Witer" is a typo.

"But all was not lost, for a young unicorn wizard in training, Clover the Clever, had discovered the power which can break the curse the windigoes had put upon the ponies." "Which can break" should be reformatted to "that could break" to both stay in agreement with the tense and accurately refer to "power."

"Their love had shown us that they had changed and the land had also changed." You can either split the sentence here and omit "and," or possibly rework the last bit to be clearer, as in "...they had changed, and with them, the land."

"...no battles or wars were present or even foreseen, my wife and I bared our first child: Princess Celestia." The correct past-tense verb from of "bare," which is a somewhat-archaic form of "bear," is "bore" in this context.

"Whenever we were busy with our duties, they would be aided by another teacher..." The part of this sentence after the comma is in passive voice, meaning the object of the sentence is where the subject of the sentence should be, and is generally a tad clunky. Perhaps an alternative would be "another teacher would aid them"?

"Not only would they lead our country, but they would discover the one true power which would continue to save Equestria from the evil to come." You should fit in an "also" after the second "would" to follow the rules of correlative conjunctions, and "that" would be a better word instead of "which."

I tried to keep from mangling the work, since I know how it feels to have your own stuff messed with to the point you can't recognize it, so I'm just nitpicking some of the things that really jump out at me here. Nevertheless, I'm eager for how this turns out, as it's a good start and shows a lot of promise.

I chose not to post this as a critique because mentioning spelling errors after the writer has fixed them gets confusing, but if I did rate this prologue on a concrete scale, it would get around 3.5/4 stars out of 5. A little bit of tweaking can make this an exemplary piece, and as is I'm still very interested in how it will progress.

One last thing: I don't know if you intended to make the entire passage large print, but it's a bit difficult to read when it's sized that big for me.
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh no, I'm very glad for you pointing those out, I didn't notice a lot of them. :nod:

I corrected them all and the print is back to normal (except for the 'witer' thing, you might have misread that)
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:iconnitrateexhaust:
NitrateExhaust Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's possible; I'd only read it through in full once, so I could have just overlooked it. It's also possible there were discrepancies between the file on dA and the one on your hard drive, though, if that's what you were looking through. (Fancy way of saying :iconrainbowdashshrugplz:)
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Eh..........I didn't know the latter was possible. But thanks again for proofreading and chapter 1 will be up in no time at all! :D
Reply
:iconwerewolfthorn:
WerewolfThorn Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012
I dare say your writing skills have improved a lot since you wrote about your autobot Axel.
This sounds promising as stories about the rise of a charismatic villain like for example Discord are often good stuff.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Axle

And thanks, I'm happy to hear that! :) The fic is still in the works and has yet to really start, but I promise it will be good! :D
Reply
:icondino-mario:
Dino-Mario Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome!!! You're very good at writing
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Why thanks! :)
Reply
:iconbb-k:
BB-K Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ahh, a good story to start up with. I can imagine this is just like how in the Christian story of how Satan was once an angel and then he turn himself down to become the most infamous devil of them all. Only Discord is just not super evil, in the pony world, that's Tirek and seconded to be Grogar.
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's something like that but a little different and you'll see how...
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:iconbb-k:
BB-K Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
But of course, well, that was my theory on how Discord became Discord.
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
If you're interested in reading it's probably similar for the most part except for where.........well I best not tell you, it would spoil too much.
Reply
:iconbb-k:
BB-K Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I usually don't mind spoilers, but that ok, I understand. ;) A private Note conversation or Skype can tell me all about it if you want to.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No Skype, but I'd rather not say to anyone right now. Only a close friend of mine who I work with knows what happens right now and the idea is actually subject to change...
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:iconbb-k:
BB-K Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's ok, understandable. ;) Will continue to wait.
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I do hope I don't keep you guys all waiting too long though...
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(1 Reply)
:iconbobtehnoob-1337:
bobtehnoob-1337 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ow. Those giant words hurt.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Like which ones?
Reply
:iconbobtehnoob-1337:
bobtehnoob-1337 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The text is HUGE, man
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh the TEXT is what's big. No prob, just hold down Ctrl and either spin your mouse's wheel towards you or press - and you'll zoom out. Easy peasy.
Reply
:iconbobtehnoob-1337:
bobtehnoob-1337 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. It sounds really interesting!
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, I dunno why it's all big like that, it doesn't usually happen for lit deviations...
Reply
:iconbobtehnoob-1337:
bobtehnoob-1337 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's .html, right?
So why don't you put it on FIMFiction (unfinished), and then download the .html from there or something?
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have been thinking about getting a FIMfic account also and putting it on there cuz it seems most people go there to read MLP fics. Although I'm not sure the .html thing has anything to do with it...
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondarkmagicianmidgit:
DarkMagicianmidgit Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love this! Something I really liked was that most people make Celestia's Mother the one that raises the sun, but she raises the moon instead, also the ending seems pretty powerful. Seriously I went stared at it for five seconds and mouthed "holy shit" but anyway, I really love this!
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:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, the ending is like the last thing the narrator says before the title comes right up in my mind. And I promise I'll get to the first chapter pretty soon so stay tuned! :nod:
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:icondarkmagicianmidgit:
DarkMagicianmidgit Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconqatheauthoress:
QAtheAuthoress Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Student Artisan Crafter
Ohh~! This is good I can't wait to read more of it. ^-^
Reply
:iconrobotninjahero:
RobotNinjaHero Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012
Awesome work. Pure genius.
Reply
:iconejasm07:
ejasm07 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012
Good work. I cannot wait to read more. Also an interesting concept.
Reply
:iconaleximusprime:
AleximusPrime Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
THanks. :) It's going to get a whole lot more interesting as time progresses this summer and into the fall! :nod:
Reply
:iconterriccotapie:
TerriccotaPie Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
nicee
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